WANTED FOR HIGHWAY ROBBERY: DOUBLE TROUBLE TOM
Large man, does not appear to smile, only knows how to yell, robbed Chicago worst since Dillinger, any information send directly to US Dept. of Justice, c/o Adam Silver, and c/o Vladimir Putin (I mean we know he'll get it anyway).
Wow, this has been quite the week, Jimmy Butler to your Minnesota Timberpuppies in a deal that would make Herschel Walker blush, Cody Bellinger is most likely personally juicing the baseballs because he's giving a double dose, and the Golden Nights and their fierce quest to find the Holy Grail and play just enough satisfactory hockey to sell tickets but not actually win because, well, Auston Matthews and Connor McDavid.
- Where to start, the Sixers got really excited because Fultz thought it was his "F[a]ult" that the Sixers would now have a big three. Quick reminder, between their "Big Three?" have played all of 31 games professionally (all by Joel Embiid, and yes, he was in the infirmary with Ben Simmons for over half the season). I don't want to be mean, but like really, this really needs to progress before anybody thinks you can challenge Lebron and his "Cavalettes." Overall weird weekend in the NBA, there is probably a better breakdown then ours out there right now, read your local newspaper for your teams draft, they're the kings and queens of the coverage right now!
- The Dodgers are on FIRE. Former supposed not-good-enough-to-be-Brian-Dozier trade chip, Cody Bellinger is cranking out home runs at a record breaking pace.
- Now that the dog and pony show of the NHL Draft and what not is over, there is absolutely nothing to talk about in hockey besides the new Adidas sweaters, and they're fine, nothing to write home about.
- I wish there was something else I could talk about in the NFL besides Kombucha tea and Michael Floyd, but ya, no.
DAY BY DAY:
- Twins start a series with the Red Sox as unlikely AL Central leaders after a wild weekend sweep at Cleveland. After losing 103 games last year, the Twins are now 23-9 on the road, because if Hell is going to freeze over with Trumpy we might as well go down swinging.
- Michael Floyd went before a Judge about his Kombuching, spoiler alert, he was found "guilty" and is going to serve one day in jail, but the real kicker is that he has to serve out the last 5 days of his house arrest in AZ. Floyd's teammates proceeded to chug six Kombucha teas to attempt to get a vacation to Arizona as well.
- The inaugural NBA Awards are happening tonight, who takes home the gold? Westbrook is the favorite, but I think it may get interesting.
- A tale of two programs tonight, I don't intend to watch either, but Bachelorette is on and it's always a hoot, along with Monday Night Raw, hot rumor on the street is that is where everyone's favorite DanceDad LaVar Ball may be considering joining the debauchery, and yes I am considering it under "entertainment" and not sports.
- Jake Arrieta and Max Scherzer face off at Nationals Park, if the Cubs are going to turn it on at some point it's going be using Arrieta and it's gonna have to happen soon, why not in Washington.
- If Harden wins, the eternal MVP vs best player debate will be at full steam, if Westbrook wins, they're going to say Durant should have gotten it. My thing is whatever happened to defense. People like to whine.
- It's the quiet before the NBA Free Agency storm, stay tuned....
- CNN is airing a really cool Special Report hosted by Jim Sciutto breaking down the wild expanses of the Russia Investigation. Be a responsible member of society and tune in.
- Yu Darvish hits Trevor Bauer as two underperforming teams in the Rangers and the Indians meet up at Progressive Field. Hot take, one of them will make it to the ALCS.
- LIKE SERIOUSLY THOUGH IS ANYTHING ELSE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
- Big Brother is on, and Jack L-O-V-E-S this show, Spencer is trying to get into it.
- The Mets and Marlins wrap up a series, both are middling under .500. Both are playing horribly under their abilities, something's gotta give.
- Some NFL player is going to be hurt in some weird accident. Or it's gonna be Loveboat 2 with some team and some less than quaint fun in a compromising situation with less than quaint women. Hell, maybe we'll get a whizzinator, if you're not a Vikes fan look that up, but not in images...
- BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS IS BACK. ABC. BE THERE.
- The Yankees and the Astros meet up, cage match style, two teams enter, one team leaves. JUDGE, jury, and executioner.
- But like seriously when is Judge gonna be outed for the roids?
- This is gonna be a slow weekend, go catch a high school game under the lights, support a local restaurant or something because this weather is perfect!
- Watch out though, this might be when the GOP will try to vote on health care, just look out for your neighbor, it's a good time for that.
Call someone, someone who needs it. Maybe it's a friend, parents, grandparents, maybe it's your Senator or Congressperson. Time to make a difference.